Making Mischief

Making Mischief

for Vijay

The Liverpool Manager, Rafa,

Committed a bit of a gafa,

He jumped up and down, and then he did frown

And got on the phone to Sir Alex.

"The trouble with you, is you like a good stew:

Too many onions and fritters;

They're left on the bench and create such a stench,

That the Kop it is riddled with jitters.

"Now you know my old friend Arsene Wenger,

Or that goofy-looking fellow from Ulster,

They're better than you, for like me, they knew,

That the Season began in September.

"As downyard you go you put up a good show

Of declaring an upward intention,

But, according to Moyes, your collection of boys

Are seriously lacking invention.

"So what can I do, that I might help you,

The referee's know I am willing,

Shall I read out a note having first cleared my throat,

As you know the result can be thrilling.

"No! Here's what I'll do, that I might help you,

Next time you come to Old Trafford......

What! Lend you Tevez? - Sacre bleu!

Sorry Rafa, wrong language......

Should auld acquaintance be forgot?

Aye - and never! called t' mind."

_______________

© Cormac McCloskey

15th December 2009

Vijay: Vijay Prakash

You have to be a connoisseur of football to appreciate this poem, and to know how poorly Liverpool FC, are doing this season compared to last, when they finished up as runners up to Manchester United. Uncharacteristically this season, they failed to qualify for the play-off stages of the European Champions League. And they are eighth in the Premiership, an unprecedented state of affairs, given that they are regarded as one of "the big four" in the Premiership. And there is well publicised disunity among the club's American owners which does not help.

1   And easy introduction with "gaffa" a play on Rafa, and substitute for gaffe.

2   From this point on until the final stanza, you only hear the voice of Sir Alex Ferguson, manager of Liverpool's great rivals, Manchester United; and this stanza alludes to the controversy surrounding Rafa's signings, and as to how he does, or in some cases, does not, use them, something that not infrequently perplexes the fans.

3   This stanza references the managers of Arsenal and Aston Villa respectively, though Martin O'Neill is alluded to rather than named; and it makes fun of Rafa's statement (after the club failed to qualify for the play-off stages in the Champions League) that from Liverpool's point of view, "the season begins now"!

4   You can't poke fun at Liverpool's misfortune without mentioning Everton and their manager David Moyes, as they too belong to the city of Liverpool.

5   Here to some extent the tables are turned, with fun being poked at Sir Alex Ferguson who is notorious for pointing at his watch and pointing to referees in respect of the amount of "extra time" that is, or is not allowed in any given match. Hence, "The referees know I am willing." But it is a short lived distraction, for in conclusion we are reminded of Rafa's Rant, when last season at a press conference he produced a note criticising Sir Alex Fergusion and what he saw as the Football Association's deferential attitude to him. And "thrilling" reminds us that it was Sir Alex and not Rafa who triumphed in the end.

6   This is the only point in the poem when you hear Rafa, but speaking only through Sir Alex. who, inspired by Robert Burns is advising him to leave Liverpool and forget all about it, for Rafa is under pressure to the point of forgetting, that Carlos Tevez is no longer at Manchester United, but at Manchester City.